*on the phone with police after reporting a murder* no you hang up first
*eats 4 slices of pizza*
im so full
*eats another 4 slices of pizza*
hi i’m peter man i mean i’m spider parker i mean fuck
"We have some extra food do you want some?"
"I can’t finish this you want the rest of my food?"
"You wanna go out to eat, i’ll pay"
true life: people like my hair more than they like me
how do people make like hundreds of friends I can’t even make a grilled cheese with out burning it
when someone tries to show me receipts on my #problematic fave
In other words “I’m totally okay with systemic oppression as long as my fave is perpetuating it. I only care about social justice when it benefits me.”